Since we were young, we’ve taken in signals that communicate messages to us. When we were toddlers and wanted to pour a cup of juice, we might have heard a gasp, suggesting distrust and an expectation of a big mess. When we were teens going on a first date, our parents may have set too many rules, making us feel like they didn’t trust us and expected us to misbehave. They may have fidgeted when busy or closed a door too loudly. All of these actions, positive or negative, communicate an underlying message; and what’s interesting is that it doesn't always match what the person actually wanted to say.
Yarona Boster, who has spent the past several decades studying early childhood development and psychology, says that these signals are often learned very early in a person’s life. Also, even if they want to break generational cycles, one might still communicate something to their child that's hurtful or damaging because of how they were raised.
In UNSPOKEN SIGNALS: Essential Parenting Skills to Raise Emotionally Secure Children, Boster explores the various parenting styles and their relationships with emotional regulation. The goal is to help parents understand what might be triggering for them, as well as what they might be accidentally communicating to their children—which could be damaging to them both now and later in life.
UNSPOKEN SIGNALS is not a textbook, a manual, or a step-by-step guide. It's a thoughtful, supportive, exploratory, and enriching collection of psychology concepts explained in an accessible and interesting way. Real-life stories and insightful exercises help parents understand and implement the concepts in their own lives and parenting approaches. Each chapter ends with “closing thoughts” that summarize the content and “signals for reflection,” which parents can use to look for places in their day-to-day lives where these ideas can be best applied.
Dr. Chérie Carter-Scott, who wrote the Foreword, states that “[s]uccess in parenting, much like success in life, is not accidental. It is the result of awareness, intention, and practice.” It’s impossible to be perfect at controlling emotions or being aware of triggers, but being more informed and taking accountability are two positive steps forward. It would be incredible if we had a handbook for how exactly to re-parent ourselves, raise our children, and develop a fully emotionally regulated society. But at least we have the next best thing: UNSPOKEN SIGNALS.
Presenting complex psychological ideas through stories, accessible prose, and compassion, Yarona Boster's UNSPOKEN SIGNALS: Essential Parenting Skills to Raise Emotionally Secure Children is an essential read for every parent.
~ McKenzie Lynn Tozan for IndieReader