There are so many things to like about the young adult novel DISBANDED by Frances Pauli, especially for readers who are fond of snakes. Somewhat in the tradition of Brian Jacques’ Redwall fantasy series– which features peace-loving mice willing to pick up the sword to defeat evil when necessary–in DISBANDED there exists a hidden society of snakes and rodents living in uncharacteristic harmony. With destiny preordained at birth within a seemingly unshakeable caste system, the main character Sookahr is fitted with bands that enhance his telekinetic powers, and from birth knows he is destined for greatness. With Kwirk, the mouse sidekick, Sookahr sets off for a destroyed outpost at the very edge of Serpentia, hoping to prove his worth. And thus a very original storyline begins to unfold.
However, there are two important and most unfortunate weaknesses which affect the kind of impact this story may be able to achieve. One problem is the overabundance of expository description throughout. Rather than subtly filling in all backstory and required information via active scenes and dialog, many lengthy sentences and paragraphs summarize what the audience needs to know. Even how characters are feeling at any given moment is often just summed up in spoon-fed statements for readers, completely ignoring the old tried and true rule of writing that it’s always better to ‘show’ rather than ‘tell.’ Secondly, there is a startling lack of emotional depth to most of these characters. What readers typically require in order to get lost in a story are fully fleshed out, three-dimensional individuals they are effectively made to care about–characters with believable strengths, flaws, and personality quirks; characters that sufficiently grow as the story unfolds. Of the creatures featured, the assistant snake Lohmeer–disliked by Sookahr upon first sight–is the most fleshed out (yet could be even more so). There are certainly fun, surprising, and effective plot twists along the way, leaving potential room for a subsequent sequel or series if the author desires to write them. But having the majority of individuals populating the novel so woefully underdeveloped does not give an audience adequate opportunity to really immerse in or empathize with what’s going on, and this vital flaw cripples what would otherwise be a gripping, well-thought-out tale.
An original storyline that often enchants, Frances Pauli’s fantasy YA novel DISBANDED ultimately suffers from more telling than showing and characters that lack emotional depth and detail.
~C.S. Holmes for IndieReader