What’s the secret to a happy, lasting relationship? It’s a question that has launched a thousand magazine articles, talk show segments, and self-help seminars. In WHAT SUCCESSFUL COUPLES DO DIFFERENTLY, author Fred Nwakanma draws upon decades of experience counseling couples to offer his own answers. Drawing inspiration from Winston Churchill’s assertion about family as the crucible of society’s virtues, Nwakanma presents what he terms a “do-it-yourself, self-help” manual that covers every stage from pre-marital preparation to the empty nest years. The book methodically addresses various aspects of relationships, including courtship, early marriage, childrearing, and family conflicts.
Nwakanma organizes his counsel into fourteen succinct chapters, each focused on a specific aspect or phase of marriage and family life. Early chapters guide readers through the dating and courtship process, offering wisdom on red flags, reasonable expectations, and keys to long-term compatibility. As Nwakanma notes, “Courting for a reasonable length of time helps partners to form a bond and understand each other better. It helps to grow the relationship and mould one another in mutually beneficial ways.” Subsequent sections explore marital milestones like pregnancy, childrearing, and the oft-trying first year of marriage, providing both general principles and situation-specific advice.
Throughout, Nwakanma displays a knack for blending plainspoken, direct counsel—”Remember that you will marry your partner as is, and any promise of a change in behaviour is at best a conjecture”—with illustrative real-world anecdotes that render his insights relatable and memorable. Sensitive topics like infidelity, substance abuse, and domestic violence are addressed with appropriate gravity yet an overall optimistic tone.
The book occasionally reveals outdated attitudes about gender roles and family dynamics. While Nwakanma acknowledges working mothers and modern family structures, his underlying assumptions often reflect traditional, patriarchal views. His discussion of marriage roles, for instance, consistently positions the husband as the authority figure and decision-maker—with limited exploration of more egalitarian approaches that characterize many successful modern marriages.
WHAT SUCCESSFUL COUPLES DO DIFFERENTLY is a well-meaning and generally useful compendium of relationship advice; Nwakanma’s compassionate, down-to-earth guidance provides a solid starting point for partners seeking to improve their communication and strengthen their bond. Readers seeking a comprehensive and inclusive guide to modern family life may find this book somewhat wanting, but those who share Nwakanma’s traditional values may find it a useful resource.
Although its dated perspectives on gender roles occasionally limit its effectiveness, Fred Nwakanma’s WHAT SUCCESSFUL COUPLES DO DIFFERENTLY provides useful insights on communication and conflict resolution for couples looking to build lasting partnerships.
~Edward Sung for IndieReader