Terry Iwanski’s GRAVEL SOLDIERS begins with a photo of him as a young boy, searching for something—somewhere to belong. Raised by an abusive dad who was always angry and never failed to transfer that anger to him, his mom, and his older sister, Iwanski grew up having many questions about life and being consumed by a festering anger of his own. As a youth, terrorizing his townsfolk in St. Paul, Nebraska became an outlet for this pent-up anger.
In his recollections, he is explicitly detailed and frank. He doesn’t shy away from less appealing aspects of his life, such as his numerous extramarital affairs during his first marriage, battles with drug and alcohol addiction, and various illegal dealings. Similarly, he openly expresses his affection for his children and the light they brought to his life. With much enthusiasm, he conveys the freedom and comfort of taking road trips on his priced Harley.
Throughout the book, he often reflects on how his father’s abuse weighed heavily on him for years, like a phantom following him everywhere and influencing his choices, constantly whispering that he would never be good enough and depriving him of opportunities. On one occasion, after scaling many obstacles to obtain a Bachelor of Science in social work at age forty, he excitedly went home to tell his dad (who never finished high school) about his accomplishment. The author expected his father to be proud—only to receive a grunt. He then remarks, “That grunt told me that I was still worthless in his eyes.”
While earlier parts of the book center on his abusive childhood, confusing relationship with his parents, and rebellious teenage years, the rest focuses on his biker journeys across the Midwest, the story of how he found his soulmate, and their life together. The detail in the recollections is admirable, with Iwanski recalling how he spent under a dollar in Borneo to eat rice and eggs in the ’90s. The decline in the economy is also evident, as he expresses the ease with which houses were purchased then and the possibility of survival without a steady job. Cultural differences are also beautifully captured during his trips to China, Malaysia, Bombay, London, etc. On one such visit to China, he recalls how a woman held her baby for his friend to touch as a sign of good luck—due to their white skin and his friend’s blonde hair—believing his friend to be a god.
While the narration is mostly fluid, there are some jarring time jumps. There are also some disturbing scenes not spared of their explicit detailing, such as when his friend Roger described various horrific acts he engaged in while serving in Vietnam. Overall, though, this is a candid memoir about self-discovery and overcoming a toxic father-son dynamic.
Terry Iwanski’s GRAVEL SOLDIERS is a compelling account of a biker’s adventurous lifestyle during the late-twentieth century and his strained relationship with his father.
~ Gabriella Harrison for IndieReader