In a work that began as therapy and became a beautiful tribute to her husband, Nita Whitaker explores her life, marriage to Don LaFontaine, her grief and journey to ‘find her voice’ after his death.
Author Nita Whitaker, a celebrated singer has written a moving memoir that conveys the themes of love, family and spirituality that dominated her life and powered her through her darkest moment – when she lost her beloved husband, Don. Whitaker’s memoir is free flowing, drifting from the present to the past, through both her childhood and Don’s, to their love story, his roller coaster last moments and the future; interweaving the memories into a thick, rich tapestry of images and raw emotions.
A line from a song introduces each chapter, with the song’s title also being used as the chapter title, for example pulling from the inspiration of Whitney’s Houston Greatest Love of All or Love Will Build A Bridge by The Judds. Whitaker’s narrative reveals the experiences that shaped both Don and her respect for and love of family, from memories of her mother who passed away when Whitaker was seventeen, to Don’s Christmas story about his mother that Whitaker writes was “a pivotal moment between parent and child, and it shaped the strength of his character.” Whitaker’s bounty of love and appreciation is also reflected in her description of the “symphony of love” performed by her family of friends, her angels as they gathered around her and the children in Don’s final moments.
Whitaker injects warmth and humor into her love story with Don, revealing the challenges in their relationship since when she first met Don he was married and doing cocaine. Also, as an interracial couple, Whitaker wondered how Don would take to her “all-black-world” as “the rice in my family’s raisin box.”
The intensity of the shifting emotions is palpable as Whitaker, sitting by Don’s bedside in the hospital, reflects on their struggles against poverty, the hope and strength of her family and the losses of their mothers; drawing inspiration in particular from her mother’s death to assist her in her resolve to continue fighting for Don. However, in her final moments with Don, as doctors repeatedly try to revive him, she agrees to finally let him go and the final moment: “There was perhaps one more breath, and then it was done: the one breath that stood between life and death had been breathed.”
The description of life after Don’s death conveys Whitaker’s shattered state, as she struggles to return to normalcy but isn’t sure how to “fill [her] days yet”. Just as Whitaker was able to reveal the heights that she soared to in her life as a daughter, a mother, a singer and Don’s wife, Whitaker movingly expresses her emptiness and emotional struggles after Don’s death: “It was a light, moment-to-moment tread as grief was my constant companion and the confusion of the new normal kept my head barely above the water line of life.”
As if grief was not enough to deal with, Whitaker effectively portrays the anger and pain she endures with lawyers and the Social Security office, filled with the cold superficiality of procedures and paperwork where an “entire life is summed up on a page that is mostly about how life ended.”
Whitaker’s final chapters reflect upon life without Don, showcasing with tenderness just how ‘alive’ Don is in his family’s life. The epilogue features letters from Don’s daughters that pay tribute to him and his role in their lives. In her letter, Whitaker conveys with powerful and moving candor, the largeness of Don’s character and how his optimism and message: “Make a mark, not a scar,” continue with his children and family, friends. Also extremely evocative is the letter that Don wrote to his former mother-in-law that portrays his abundance of love and faith in life … and death.
FINDING MY VOICE is a heartbreakingly honest and optimistic, melodic love story and memoir that celebrates the author’s life with her late husband and praises the power of love, faith and family.
Reviewed by Maya Fleischmann for IndieReader