WHILE I BREATHE is difficult to read, the situation it describes even more difficult to contemplate. Author Susan M. Reynolds was pregnant with Ryan, only for irregularities to abruptly appear on the fetal scans during the final trimester. As Reynolds put it, her dream of being “a young mother with a beautiful, healthy baby, an adoring husband, a great house” quickly unraveled. Following an emergency C-section, there began the sort of vigil that parents spend their entire lives hoping to avoid. Ryan was born with underdeveloped lungs, and spent the first days of his life in an intensive care unit. The following months and years were scarcely less stressful; Reynolds and her husband cared for their sickly son, who was shortly diagnosed with Down syndrome, a heart defect, and bronchopulmonary dysplasia, a condition that can affect premature babies with low birth weight.

Reynolds is unceasingly blunt in describing the maelstrom of emotions in which she found herself: guilt, love, fear, anguish. Her faith is an ever-present backdrop, and was crucial in helping her navigate the early months of her son’s life. There is a painful undercurrent, too, which seldom gets reported in quite this much detail: the disconnect between the feelings of the two parents. By all accounts, Reynolds’s husband was kind, caring, supportive, and dedicated to working hard to provide the money for Ryan’s care; but he simply did not understand what his wife was going through as the traumatic birth and adverse diagnoses hit home.

But the book takes an unpleasant turn when conflicting medical advice put Ryan’s life in danger. A misdiagnosis led to meetings with pediatricians, nurses, and hospital attorneys, culminating in the threat of institutionalization for Reynolds’s infant son. To repeat: WHILE I BREATHE is a difficult book. The final third is almost unbearably sad, which speaks to the author’s dedication to honestly convey their experience. The pain of having a young child go through terrible suffering is almost too awful to contemplate. For Reynolds, one hopes for catharsis, healing, and memories of the good times spent with Ryan.

Susan M. Reynolds’s WHILE I BREATHE is heart-breaking in its account of her deep, enduring love and the hardships encountered during her son’s brief life.

~Craig Jones for IndieReader