The trick to a good self-help book is understanding that the messenger is often just as important as the message. Countless books can have similar ideas, but crafty authors will package them in unique ways to resonate with their audience. Author and therapist Katie K. May seems to understand this well, as her book YOU’RE ON FIRE, IT’S FINE: Effective Strategies for Parenting Teens with Self-Destructive Behaviors leverages her personal life as well as her professional expertise to help parents develop strategies for raising teenagers. Some of the advice won’t seem particularly novel to anyone who has sought help with parenting (how to build a relationship with your teen, how to be non-judgmental, etc.), but May makes for a compelling messenger that helps the ideas come across in a clear and practical way. YOU’RE ON FIRE, IT’S FINE is the kind of book parents will want to keep on the shelf as a guide they can refer back to in times of need.
Throughout the book, May develops the concept of “Fire Feelers”: teenagers who feel their emotions like fiery explosions, who are prone to impulsive or dangerous behaviors when they act on these feelings. The book is a guide for how parents can recognize and respond to these behaviors appropriately, but also reflect on their own emotions and how they affect their children. Chapters are split into sections with practical, often step-by-step advice for implementing May’s strategies. For example, chapter three focuses on judgment, and the ways parents and children develop judgments of each other’s behavior. The chapter lists various types of judgments a person might experience, including labeling others “lazy” or suggesting someone “should” act or feel a particular way. May introduces two skills for identifying these kinds of judgments she calls “noticing” and “naming.” The chapter ends with steps for how a parent can put them into action. On the first pass it is a little dense, but May’s step-by-step approach to her subject makes it easy to follow.
In lesser hands, the content of YOU’RE ON FIRE, IT’S FINE could veer too far into scientific territory, where it would be inaccessible to the average parent. May overcomes that challenge by using anecdotes from both her clients and her own life to illustrate the cause and effect of behavior. She comes across as authentic and competent, building a level of trust with the reader that makes it easier to believe the validity of her ideas.
YOU’RE ON FIRE, IT’S FINE is recommended for parents with tricky teens, but also for any parent wanting to be prepared for the teenage years. While not every teen will encounter the difficulties of May’s “Fire Feelers,” the book is still full of practical information on how to navigate the tumultuous emotions of that age. Much of the advice is also about self-reflection for parents, which can be helpful at any point in the parenting journey.
Written by therapist Katie K. May, YOU’RE ON FIRE, IT’S FINE: Effective Strategies for Parenting Teens with Self-Destructive Behaviors is an easy-to-follow guidebook for teenage behavior, recommended for any parent wanting to be prepared for the ups and downs of the teenage years.
~Alex Strine for IndieReader