My Link to Mildred: Interrupting the Epidemic of Trauma via Nonviolence Communication received a 4+ star review, making it an IndieReader Approved title.
Following find an interview with author Cindy Bigbie.
What is the name of the book and when was it published?
My Link to Mildred: Interrupting the Epidemic of Trauma via Nonviolence Communication. I published on the one year anniversary of my mother’s death – May 5, 2023
What’s the book’s first line?
My mother died, last week, just five days ago to be exact-in the room right next to me, my TV room.
What’s the book about? Give us the “pitch”.
The book is about trauma, historical trauma, intergenerational, decontextualized trauma and my own family’s trauma. How it was passed down through the generations and how my work with Nonviolent Communication (NVC) was integral in interrupting this lineage. The book shines the light on how trauma has been experienced, unbeknown, by most of us and how this has an impact on how our brains work and how we interact with those around us. The book itself is a combination of personal narrative, science, and an overview of the NVC process.
What inspired you to write the book? A particular person? An event?
I had the title of this book for over 25 years. I always knew I would write it. It came to me when I had the realization about how I move in the world and the way my mind works – my own “crazy” so to speak and how I could easily see how my family’s trauma passed down through the generations was showing up in me. When I came across Nonviolent Communication and began teaching it and living it, to the best of my ability, I could see how helpful it was in providing deeper awareness and ability to reroute my responses in hard interactions. I was so awed by the power of the work that it became my life’s focus, and I gave up a 25-year lucrative career to figure out how to bring this process to others. In so doing, I was able to have miraculous healing with my mother before she passed. My mother’s death came out of nowhere. She came to see me on April 1st, 2022 because she had a pain in her neck that we wanted to get checked out and she died on May 5, 2022 of Stage 4 lung cancer. As she was dying, she told me to write the book. She knew there was a story to tell. We were both struck by the irony and beauty of how our family’s difficulties, along with NVC and my vision to scale it, has the potential to turn the tide on the violence we see playing out everywhere – in our homes, schools, organizations, workplaces, and politics. When she passed, I started waking up at 4 or 5 am – without trying – walking into my office (half asleep) and writing. The book poured out of me. It took me about two months to write and was effortless.
What’s the main reason someone should really read this book?
Individuals should read this book to learn more about trauma and to understand that it’s more complex and more widespread than most know. Individuals should read this book so they can dissect their own life and their own histories and better understand how trauma has impacted them and their connections. This book is also important to read to connect the dots between trauma and all the violence we see in the world and MOSTLY to hear about Nonviolent Communication and understand why this process can reverse the trauma epidemic AND turn the tide on violence. In the end, it is a solution for individuals and for our world – a map on how to create more safety and connection in the world. The reading itself provides information, but in a way that is digestible and gripping.
When did you first decide to become an author?
I knew I would write this book 25 years ago. However, my mother’s death was the catalyst for me putting pen to paper.
Is this the first book you’ve written?
Yes.
What do you do for work when you’re not writing?
I own and operate The Bigbie Method – a company where we teach people how to create connection through their communication, even in conflict. It is my vision to scale the Nonviolent Communication process to help bring more concrete peace to our world.
How much time do you generally spend on your writing?
I wrote my book in about two months. Spent about 2-3 hours early morning – and it just poured out of me.
What’s the best and the hardest part of being an indie?
I love the freedom to write what I want. What has been hard is the marketing piece. I think I have something significant to share that can really help humanity and I don’t really know how to build the audience off the book. Just kind of praying it will get into the right hands.
What’s a great piece of advice that you can share with fellow indie authors?
I found writing in the early morning to be key. I tried writing one day in the middle of the day and it was excruciating. I think our creative mind is more uninhibited in the hours between dawn and daylight and it’s easier to write, at least that’s how it was for me.
Would you go traditional if a publisher came calling? If so, why?
I’m honestly not sure. I wrote this book to honor my mother’s legacy and my hope is that it will help me to gain an audience so I can help humanity. If a traditional publisher could help me with that, I would be open. I did not write this book to make money. I honestly don’t even care about that. I want an audience to help the world.
Is there something in particular that motivates you (fame? fortune?)
I have been gifted with learning and living NVC and the ability to teach it to others. I have built a business that has the capability to scale this process to millions. The idea of leaving the world a palpably more peaceful place is what motivates me. My company, The Bigbie Method, has learned how to take soft skills like empathy and connection, teach them and measure them. I’m guessing people and organizations everywhere can use this. I wake and go to bed everyday driven by the dream of scaling this process because the world so desperately needs it.
Which writer, living or dead, do you most admire?
There are many – but Dr. Marshall Rosenberg who developed NVC is my #1.
Which book do you wish you could have written?
I love the poetry of Mary Oliver!