Entries by Dan Kilian

An Open Letter to George Takei

Beyond Star Wars/Star Trek ironic confusion jokes, I can make Star Trek jokes, William Shatner jokes, gay jokes, Japanese jokes, Facebook jokes, Gay Japanese William Shatner jokes (A gay Japanese William Shatner walks into a bar, and a guy at the bar says “Hey, is that gay Japanese William Shatner? What an asshole!”). Continue reading


The number of middle-aged people committing suicide is on an upswing, beating car accidents for the first time since some morbid actuary started comparing suicide to car accidents. There may be some gray area regarding people who commit suicide by crashing their cars, but I’m assuming that’s been factored in. Continue reading


Pop quiz! How many wars are we currently engaged in? You could justify an answer of one, two, or more, depending on your definitions. If you hesitated, you’d also be able to justify your hesitation, but you shouldn’t, because people should solidly know how many wars their country is in. Continue reading

Snatching Defeat

Having defeated the Republicans in the court of public opinion, but at an impasse in direct negotiations, Obama has gone back to what he does best: negotiating with imaginary Republicans, as if that caucus has reasonable members. Continue reading

The Near Future of Madness

Now that we’ve all learned to live with the sequester, just as we’ve learned to live with an anemic economy, stagnant wages and grotesque economic injustice, what other monstrosities will our government visit us with in the attempt to make us a second world nation? Continue reading