Raise the Child You’ve Got, Not the One You Want

At a time when the opportunities for youth are unprecedented, so is the desire for the perfect, well-rounded, excelling child.  When public acceptance seems to rely so much on the abilities of today’s children, some find the air of competition contagious.  A good parent is defined by a youth who is deemed the top-scoring player or the straight “A” scholar. But, what happens when a parent discovers their child does not possess the characteristics of a champion? Or, realizes the child lacks the cheerful disposition of a sibling? Does that make us bad parents? Did we do something wrong in the childrearing process? Did we lack a firm hand, or offer too harsh of a punishment for infractions? Maybe. Or, perhaps not.

As a parent, do you have what it takes to celebrate your child regardless of their abilities, desires or personality? Most don’t. Which is one of the reasons Nancy Rose wrote the book, RAISE THE CHILD YOU’VE GOT, NOT THE ONE YOU WANT.

Wait. What is wrong with wanting your child to “be more” or “do more” with their lives? Rose points out that it largely depends on how you define success. If a child matures believing he will never measure up to his parent’s acceptable level of success then, it is wrong. And you have failed.  Moreover, let’s hope your child allows you a second shot at being an accepting, unconditional parent.

Much of this book is about becoming self-aware of the type of support one offers her child. Spoiler alert: If you think this is a publication that will provide a simple solution without any effort on the part of the reader – think again. Rose calls parents to the carpet in challenging them to trust their child to show them who he is and what he desires in life. Then, make the effort to encourage children to “shine in their own skin.”

In a nutshell, Rose is requiring adults to grow up and start acting like adults, and encouraging parents to embrace the forgotten human need: acceptance.

“When acceptance is the starting point in parenting, it builds a warm, solid, connected foundation for a lifetime relationship of mutual respect.”

True that.

If there should ever come a day when parents are required to read a collection of reference manuals as part of the sign up/registration process for every little league, every competitive youth athletic program, every musical and academic program or cheerleading squad, RAISE THE CHILD YOU’VE GOT, NOT THE ONE YOU WANT should be part of that collection.

Reviewed by J’Nel Wright for IndieReader.